Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

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Muddywheels
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by Muddywheels » Mon Apr 10, 2017 7:09 pm

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for £19.95, Shopping Barbie for £19.95, Beach Barbie for £19.95, Disco Barbie for £19.95, Ballerina Barbie for £19.95, Astronaut Barbie for £19.95, Skater Barbie for £19.95, and Divorced Barbie for £265.95".

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie £265.95 and the others only £19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's @%$*
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greens_peace
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by greens_peace » Mon Apr 10, 2017 7:22 pm

2 Golfers on the 9th Green, which is quite close to the road, pause as a mark of respect as a funeral cortege goes past. "She was a good wife", one says to the other as they resume their game.
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Paul41
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by Paul41 » Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:32 pm

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

And God said: "Would that be a two lane or four lane bridge...?"
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Techauthorbob
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by Techauthorbob » Tue Apr 11, 2017 9:46 pm

I finally found the wife's G spot...

It turns out her sister had it all along!
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Techauthorbob
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by Techauthorbob » Sun Apr 16, 2017 9:10 pm

I hear that plans to start a follow up series of the Antiques Roadshow have been abandoned.

This series of shows were to feature all the high value items and what happened to them afterwards. This series was to have been titled 'Second Edition'.

Plans were apparently quite advanced until someone produced a new logo with the complete initials incorporated...
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Past master
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by Past master » Sun Apr 16, 2017 10:43 pm

Ah yes - the good old "City University of Newcastle upon Tyne". Some say they even had the letterheads printed before they realised, but alas it may just be an urban myth.
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by dangerdave » Mon Apr 17, 2017 8:04 am

😀

Techauthorbob
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by Techauthorbob » Mon Apr 17, 2017 4:35 pm

I once saw a teeshirt for the Coventry University Netball Team...

Not a joke, but look online for What Goes Up Might Come Down, it's an oldish but very good after dinner speech by a guy called David Gunson.
If you can listen to that and not laugh then you must be dead or sumfing!
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chris
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by chris » Mon Apr 17, 2017 6:53 pm

Techauthorbob wrote:
Mon Apr 17, 2017 4:35 pm


Not a joke, but look online for What Goes Up Might Come Down, it's an oldish but very good after dinner speech by a guy called David Gunson.
If you can listen to that and not laugh then you must be dead or sumfing!
I first heard that after dinner speach years and years ago, must be at least 20 now, still as good today as it was then. :D
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chris
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Re: Humour/Jokes thread **SOME JOKES MAY OFFEND**

Post by chris » Mon Apr 17, 2017 8:49 pm

I listened to it again tonight, still as good as it was back then ;)
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